girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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