Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
