He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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