What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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