im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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