You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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