We're like a lot better than the average bears
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
