How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
