I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
