Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
