if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
