seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
