did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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