I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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