The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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