god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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