I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize