he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize