two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
