It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize