I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
