Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
