I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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