I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
