no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
