i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
