Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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