i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
