Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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