I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
