how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
