Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
