My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
