Umm I'm too high to move.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
