That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
