I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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