Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
