My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
