Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
