i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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