I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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