So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
