Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
