We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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