I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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