maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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