her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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