i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize