I love black thongs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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