I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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