Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
