I will die if light touches me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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