It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
