Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
