piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
