summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize