do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i now understand why vodka
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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