Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
