I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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