Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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