i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
