It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize