i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
