I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do vagina's smell?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
