guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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