i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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