he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
