she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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