Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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