if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
